I just want to stop the replay. I want to stop remembering your movements in the waiting room. I want to stop remembering you so still an hour later. I want to close my eyes and not see the moniter and not witness your stillness, or hear the tech's panic and rush to leave the room. I want to forget the first moments your dad and I clung to each other, silently trying to catch our breath and calm our hearts and start a life without you.

Tonight I want to close my eyes and sleep and not remember you at all.