It's like being hit in the chest with a ton of bricks, his questions.
They're always asked at inopportune times and when surrounded by strangers. I've become accustomed to weeping in grocery store aisles.
"Mom, are we going to have another baby? Will it be a girl? Please can it be a girl? I really want a sister."
"Will she wear Gracie's clothes? They're already here and ready and never been worn."
"Will we paint her room pink? What will her name be?"
"Will you stop being sad if you have another baby girl, Mom?
Are you more sad at Gracie's grave? Sometimes I am, but sometimes it feels good to be near her."
They're always asked at inopportune times and when surrounded by strangers. I've become accustomed to weeping in grocery store aisles.
"Mom, are we going to have another baby? Will it be a girl? Please can it be a girl? I really want a sister."
"Will she wear Gracie's clothes? They're already here and ready and never been worn."
"Will we paint her room pink? What will her name be?"
"Will you stop being sad if you have another baby girl, Mom?
Are you more sad at Gracie's grave? Sometimes I am, but sometimes it feels good to be near her."
One brother wants to go to heaven and bring her back, and the other says dying won't be so bad anymore because then he can be with her.
And then you have their prayers.
"Dear God thank you for our Gracie girl. Take care of her until I get there". He sits under her tree with a hand on her grave telling me it's the only way he can touch her.
We talk a lot about dying, about Heaven. We talk about Jesus, how he loved us enough to die. About how He rose from the dead. About how Gracie will not be brought back from the dead, but yes, God is powerful enough that He could. We talk a lot about how God is good, even though Mommy cries a lot.
We talk a lot about how David was just a boy who stood firmly in front of Goliath and didn't buckle because his eyes weren't fixed on the giant. They were fixed on the Savior. We talk about how right now, our giant is missing Gracie, and how we will not fix our eyes on that loss, but on the Savior that stands behind it. Even though some days that giant is so tall, it feels impossible to see around him.
And then you have their prayers.
"Dear God thank you for our Gracie girl. Take care of her until I get there". He sits under her tree with a hand on her grave telling me it's the only way he can touch her.
We talk a lot about dying, about Heaven. We talk about Jesus, how he loved us enough to die. About how He rose from the dead. About how Gracie will not be brought back from the dead, but yes, God is powerful enough that He could. We talk a lot about how God is good, even though Mommy cries a lot.
We talk a lot about how David was just a boy who stood firmly in front of Goliath and didn't buckle because his eyes weren't fixed on the giant. They were fixed on the Savior. We talk about how right now, our giant is missing Gracie, and how we will not fix our eyes on that loss, but on the Savior that stands behind it. Even though some days that giant is so tall, it feels impossible to see around him.
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