The amount of effort it takes to not think about her is exhausting.
To not lose myself in recalling every detail is excruciating.
Loving her brothers and dad get me out of bed every morning.
Pretending she was never real, keeps me from returning to it.
Praying one day you will be in such a place that you are able to think of her as whole, as real, as the daughter you held and nurtured inside of you for so many months, without it sending you back into the abyss. You were a great mom to Gracie and are a great mom to the boys. Don't give in to the dark places.
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